Public Masturbation

Saturday night. You are walking home after having a beer with friends.

Or in my case, 6 beers. What ? It’s saturday ! A girl can drink !

Anyway,  as I was saying, you are walking home.

Madrid looks as beautiful as ever.

There are people everywhere. Singing, laughing out loud and being all chatty.

Life is awesome.

You head towards your barrio. It’s a nice night to take a walk.

And why spend money on metro, cabifys or uber when you can just walk.

And, it’s the last days of summer. So, better enjoy it before the horrible cold and rainy hell is here.

You enjoy the small breeze and walk when you see an old guy in the street corner staring at you. You try to ignore the guy and walk. Now he starts walking towards you and slowly follows you.

Does that sound horriying ?

Then wait for this.

The guy unzips his pink pantalon corto ( shorts ), pulls his wang out and gets at it.

It sounds funny to some people and horrifying to others.

To me, it just sounds disgusting and horrifying.

Why does it scare the hell out of a woman when you are walking alone in the street at night and you see a stranger following you with his thing out ?

The fear of getting raped or the disgust that someone is going to spray stuff at you ?

I dunno. Maybe both.

Recently I have seen a ton of posts in my facebook feed about the same topic.

I read posts from expats who went through this horrible experience.

And back in my country, aka Apu’s birthplace and the land of spicy curry, the news is same. Indians are not following people around and wanking off. They are a bit more lazy.

So they are opting more comfortable options like jerking off to people in trains and buses.

Okay. Pro tip :Don’t google ‘ public masturbation’.

So, to guide you, here is a link to an instance which was actually recorded.

So, what do you do when a creepy pasty looking guy jerks off to you ?

If you are thinking “call the police”, I say technically, that’s not gonna help.

Most countries do not have laws that prohibit public masturbation unless in the vicinity of a minor or a disabled person.

Which means that you can’t file a complaint against the creep.

So, what do you do next ?

The best thing is to get away as soon as possible or to get into a nearby shop or restaurant which will let the guy go away.

If there is no escape and if there is physical contact involved I have the perfect solution.


Pepper spray is not illegal. So yay !

Next time, some creep thinks it’s funny to swing his floppy tiny genitals at you, take that goddamn pepper spray and use it. ( Do not use it unless you really HAVE TO.  )

Do u think that Harvey Weinstein would have kept masturbating in front of women if he was pepper sprayed once ? I don’t think so .

( Could not avoid mentioning him. I tried ! )

As a girl from a third world country, it has saved my life multiple times. And maybe, it will help you too or atleast will make you feel safer.

P.S : I do not know why, but some of my friends thought this article should be funny as public masturbation is funny. I could not find it even remotely funny.

What do u think ? Hit me up on comments !

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